If you aren’t engaged already, you’ll find out really quickly that as soon as you announce your engagement the first question that everyone will ask you is, “ so, when is the wedding?”. This is the first and most frequent question you’ll get, from family, friends and even strangers. Followed by a barrage of questions you haven’t even thought of yet and lots and lots of unwanted advice. After being engaged for just one short week, you’re likely to be completely burnt out on wedding planning and wanting to throat punch anyone who asks you about your plans. Try hard not lash out at the poor innocent bystanders. Here are a couple of tips to stay sane.
I get asked about my wedding all day, every day. When you feel wedding overloaded and just can’t talk about wedding planning another second, don’t be afraid to politely ask for a different subject. Especially in regards to your close friends that you see regularly. If they bring it up or ask “how’s is planning going?” they are likely just interested in your life and excited for you. You can respond honestly by saying something like “it’s going well, but honestly I want to take a break from it, can we chat about you?” This allows you move on from wedding topics without being rude. This response would work for non-close friends also, but just make sure you tell your closest friends, you will likely see them more often!
My mom calls me every day with new ideas and plans. Surely your mother realizes you must lead a life outside of planning a Hill Country wedding. However, it can be like having a 2nd job, and maybe you should treat it like one. Set a meeting or phone call time with your mom or family member to chat about the wedding. Maybe it’s once a week and you get together over brunch or dinner. Tell your Mom to compile her ideas and so you can chat about them at the meeting each week. You can do this in a courteous way by saying something like “I would really like to consider all of your ideas fully when you present them, but I can’t do that if I am interrupting a work day or an evening at home. Can we set a weekly time to discuss them so I have the focus to really consider them?” This is boundary setting. It’s an adult thing. And it’s really good practice for more challenging situations with Mom in the future (kids, marriage, etc).
I feel really overwhelmed and tired all the time because I’m constantly thinking about all of the things that I need to get done for the wedding. Weddings can become obsessive; it’s really easy when you start reading all of the wedding blogs, and magazines and we won’t even talk about Pinterest obsessions. Like I’ve said before, weddings can be like having a 2nd job. Again, maybe you should treat it like one. Set times in your week to work on wedding planning. With your groom, family, Hill Country wedding planner and alone. Maybe it is one hour each evening for 4 days a week. How much planning you need to get done will depend on how long your engagement is and how much your planner is covering for you. However, the time that you spend doesn’t matter half as much as keeping the planning within those timeframes. Set yourself task lists for your planning time. This will keep you focused and will help you avoid the distraction of floating around from one website to another absorbing needless information. You will accomplish more, if you have set goals. It will be easier to make decisions because you have set deadlines. Last and most important, you can achieve planning a wedding without becoming and exploding ball of stress.
My fiancé doesn’t seem to care about all of the time I’m putting into planning this and just gets frustrated when I bring up planning. I can’t blame him. I know it seems really insensitive but you have to, for just one second, think about it from his perspective. My husband (after the wedding) explained it to me like this: “You asking me things about the wedding, like colors or floral arrangements, is like asking me whether I like the coaster here on the table or here.” True story. Guys don’t dream about their wedding for years on end like we do. I think maybe they dream about the honeymoon, but certainly not the dresses and floral arrangements and ceremony backdrops. Try not to vomit everything that pops into your head about the wedding onto him. I’m sure one of your friends who isn’t engaged or is maybe already married would love to live or relive their wedding vicariously through you. Use them as a sounding board. The last and most important thing that I want to share with you is that engagement can be one of the hardest times in your entire relationship thus far. I don’t say that to discourage you, but to encourage you. You are not alone. And it doesn’t mean your marriage is going to fail. It’s just hard. I would highly recommend dedicating one night (at least) per week to a date night with your fiancé. Take turns planning it (one week he plans, next week you plan) and agree to not speak a word of wedding planning to each other for the whole night. Remember what it was like when you went on dates before this stressful time? This will also be vital in helping you cope with marriage. Some early wives struggle with how to re-engage with their partners when the burden of wedding planning is no longer there. Believe me, you both could use a good date night once a week!
You will survive this time and your Hill Country wedding will be magnificent! I hope early into wedding planning you see the value of hiring an official Hill Country wedding planner. Honestly, it is the one thing you absolutely deserve to have.